Monday, February 13, 2012


I'm sitting here in my hospital bed lost in my own thoughts.
How am I going to go two incredibly long months without pickup or holding my darling Bliss.
How can they want me to try to do that.
Thus is the 2nd night I didn't feed her, put her night gown on and lay her in bed and tell her how beautiful strong and smart she is.
I'm am not there for her.
Is she wondering where her momma is or has she already forgotten about me?
When she isn't around me, I feel as if a part of myself is missing.
When she isn't with me, I feel alone and distant from the world around me.
I feel lost.
I feel alone.
I am scared.
I feel like If I could I jump up out this bed and run the whole way home.
All I want is my baby.
The baby I carried and gave birth to.
The baby that I dress up like a doll that she's really is.
The baby that smiles so big that she breaks hearts by the second.
The baby that is my own flesh and blood!
She is my own therefore I want to be with her 24/7 like I have been the 5 months.
But this momma had to go ride her Rzr and break her back in three places and had to surgery. I am not able to take care of myself, bliss or even jerry.
Jerry got lucky and has a black swollen eye and 3 staples in the back of his beautiful head.
Please pray I have a fast recovery where I can take care myself and baby.
Darling Bliss your are also 5 Monty's old today. Wish I could be there for baby. I am soo sorry

I love you always.